19 Mar Lovelee Storytime | Awareness
It was my first real adventure into the world of wellness.
At that time, I ate what my mouth wanted with no regard for what my body needed. I drank alcohol every day and had just started my first-ever real exercise routine – a community college Yoga class. I was struggling – hard. I felt incapable of making the lifestyle changes that I knew I needed.
The Yoga class was helping, maybe my only saving grace. So, I followed the bread crumb and enrolled in a month-long Yoga teacher training in Mexico. I didn’t see myself as a Yoga teacher, however, I knew that in committing to a program like this, I would enter into a container that I desperately needed. My very own – fancy holistic self-tailored rehab center.
I expected all things Yoga, stretchy pants, sweating, breathing, and the occasional prayer hands with an Om or two. Cool. I was committed – no recreational drugs or alcohol and a clean diet – whatever that meant – only rice and veggies for a whole month? OK, so I was set to be in a supportive healthy environment for a whole month. I was excited.. And I was terrified.
Was I forcing myself into a yoga boot camp from hell in which there was no chance for escape? Could I get it together or was I already in too deep?
I reasoned that either way you split it, I needed a huge change. I knew I would be challenged and that I would grow from this experience. What I didn’t foresee from this adventure was the vast array of possibilities, so many doors all opening towards vitality. One of those doors was the opening into Qigong and Chinese medicine. This arena of study, to this day, fascinates me. It holds such a wealth of wisdom, wonder and possibility.
I was mentally preparing myself for more Yoga, but the instructor said we were going to do something a little different. He spouted some strange words and spoke about ancient Chinese teachings, about energy, and added some other strange words for good measure. I found myself standing with my arms held up like I was holding an imaginary ball. This felt silly to me, but I played along.
As I sculpted my energy ball between my hands, feeling childish in a group of adults, the voice in my head was full of judgments and strong opinions. I look back now and laugh at how loud my internal voice was then. I’m surprised others in the group didn’t ask my inner voice to pipe down! At this point, the experience was silly to me, but my body was quite sore so I was grateful to not be bending or twisting myself at the very least. Go-go Chi ball go.
I know now, that this was a distracted version of myself – totally unaware of being on the surface of something profoundly deep.
After some time of listening to the instructions and relaxing into this new game, I started to feel… something. There was… energy? My arms started to buzz, it was as if I could see currents of life flowing through my arms and in between my palms. Was I glowing? Felt like it. The once imaginary ball started to feel more real – like it had a density to it – life… electric!
It was like something out of an anime film or science lab and by the end of the practice, I was sold.
It was so simple, yet so real and so powerful. I was lit for hours after. It was like I had just plugged myself into a wall socket and charged up my battery. This charge then turned on some lights inside of me – awareness.
It was this experience that inspired my attendance of a Qigong seminar in months to come and intense study for years after. That first seminar then lead me to discover the practice of the Wim Hof Method and beyond.
Oh, the wonder of synchronistic bread crumbs that lead down into the depths of life’s rabbit holes.
The story goes on – essentially much of the same. My mind having huge resistance to standing still and breathing deeply. Lots of internal shit-talking and then after some time, a release of pent-up angst – into some profound experiences of both body and mind.
Lifeforce – real – animated inside me. This is the base story of why Lovelee Practice has dedicated Fridays to the practice of Awareness. Qigong, internal awareness practice and standing meditation are simple yet powerfully potent practices. I am a believer in simply standing still. Standing in stillness to build my body/mind one breath and focused intention at a time. You are welcome to join us.
With life-force full of love,